I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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