I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
