so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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