The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize