You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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