You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
