Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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