You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
