Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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