omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
