I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
