Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My ass is underappreciated
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize