A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
