Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
