STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
