i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
