You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
