why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
