It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
