So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
