my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
