Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
