Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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