he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
