That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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