Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
