eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
