1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
