Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
