Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your dad touched me again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
what is it with giant penises always finding me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
