and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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