From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
