God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
