New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
