In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
