I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
