I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
