Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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