you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
