I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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