I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
