i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
