the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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