How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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