you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
