You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
