Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
