you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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