Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
