I can text with my tongue
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
