Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
