I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
