I am in a vortex of obligation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can I color on your dick again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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