Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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