You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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