Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
