He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pop tarts are not kleenex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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