apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
