6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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