i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
