Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize