It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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