I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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