I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
