It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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