I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
