Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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