She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
