you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
