nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
