My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
