nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
