After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im part way to drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
