its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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