Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
