obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
