I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
